Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
false alarm, still single
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize