So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Enjoy the penises
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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