man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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