I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
