First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
