I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
