And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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