so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
