I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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