Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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