turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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