Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
