Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
