Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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