Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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