So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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