I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
