i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
