You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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