the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
