if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
