you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
