There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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