I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize