I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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