4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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