my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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