Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
