I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
