What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
