I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Alive.
So much puke
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
