I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
