The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
