we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
