Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I see more hoeing in ur future
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
