The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
