Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
