i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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