I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
