I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't turn off my feet"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
