forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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