Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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