Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My life is pants optional.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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