remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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