The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
