hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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