Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
