I heard we made out
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize