I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
