Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
