why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize