Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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