Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
