naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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