I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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