the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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