I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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