I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We need to feng shui this bitch.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
