Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
