He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
