I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
