When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
