She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
