That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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