1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
whose ass print is on the piano?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
