you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
third nipple confirmed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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