we're chasing vodka with high fives
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
