great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
