Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
