Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
