there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
50% drunk capacity currently
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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