he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
