I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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