My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
