I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
