my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
