Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
