So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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