beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
