i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
