yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
