At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize