Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
