Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
