Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
