i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
