I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
