omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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