And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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