So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
