Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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